(Ball & Chain - Abigail Roux)
An easy enough quote to overlook, but it did get me thinking. Is this quote foreshadowing Zane’s death? The cartel is huge and the odds are definitely stacked against him.
My thinking is it could be foreshadowing a plan requiring him to fake his death. For how long he needs to disappear for it to be effective (and whether or not Ty goes with him) I don’t know.
A little thing for Cross & Crown
I am still not sure Liam in actually in this book. He was not in the blurb nor in the book trailer. Like not even a peep. What he needs Nick for has to be plot worthy, and yet it is not a part of the book? Why make a character like Liam and then not advertise that he is in this specific book? That tells me he is not there, and he is off puttering around doing Liam things. Then in book 9, he will swoop in when he needs Nick for his nefarious deeds. Or hero deeds. The fucker really is gray.
I don’t recall it ever being mentioned he would be in B&C, though. Considering how the little weasel operates, it wouldn’t surprise me if he has something to do with what goes down in C&C and/or makes yet another cameo at some point. If Nick’s that important to him (and Kelly as leverage), I’d assume he’d be keeping much closer watch on them.
Since it’s a side story, though, I don’t imagine he’d be able to have too much presence because that wouldn’t be fair to those who only read the main series. Then again, I consider S&A very necessary to explain some things leading up to/in B&C, so who knows. If he does appear and sets things up with Nick, I could see that being easily addressed with a bit of exposition in book 9.
I wondered tonight, if Nick feels used. I know he feels used by Ty, but what about his family. I guess he feels used by his dad, though Nick had a choice. Ok, he really didn’t, and his dad knew that. Though maybe his dad did not know. He was scared to ask Nick for a piece of his liver. He knew Nick had every right to say no. Will this dethaw his dad a bit? The fact Nick said yes. Does it ever dethaw people towards Nick when he does things for them. Or does that encourage them to use him more. Which way does Nick see it?
He sees it as his choice, that he chooses to let himself be used by those he loves.
I guess I started wondering because, in Shock & Awe, Nick is scared Kelly might perceive that Nick is using him in his drugged state. That Kelly will wake up from the drugs and feel taken advantage of. Nick is very sensitive to that possibility, and does not in any circumstance want to be perceived that way. That might be why Nick is so independent. He does not want to need anyone so they won’t feel used by him.
For himself, he frames it all as his choice. He choses to give himself. He chooses to let those he loves use him. And he never speaks up.
I think to what Abi posted yesterday. This moment: “…and he doesn’t see the wounded look in Nick’s eyes”. How many have not seen the wounded look in Nick’s eyes. Nick gives so much. Is always there. Yet he felt inadequate in that moment with Kelly. He thought Kelly did not want to be around Nick and would prefer staying with Ty and Eli. I wonder if Nick felt lonely since he was living alone or if he felt he was not good enough for Kelly. It always hurts when it comes down to it and your friends chose someone else. Nick did not speak up and just took Kelly where he wanted to go.
Of course, Kelly ended up back and Nick’s, but it makes me wonder why Nick gives so much without speaking up. Does the man just want to be loved, want to be someone’s first choice, or can he not help wanting to be all he can be for those he loves? Those in need. It is like a small part of him is saying “if he is perfect, they will love you the most”, and he knows it is not rational, but he wants to the the most for someone.
But he will not demand it. Or even ask for it. He will let them feel as they feel.
And be hurt when he is not their most.
I think you hit the nail on the head by asking if he wants to be someone’s first choice because, really, when has someone put his needs first—fought for him?
If Ty was the first person to do that by standing up for him on the bus, well, 18 years is a hell of a long time to have to wait for that. But when Ty refuses to live with him when everyone splits up, did it feel like maybe a dumb car was more important than him? Yeah, living alone has its perks, but it’s not all kittens and rainbows, especially when the silence reminds you what you no longer have. And, sure, Kelly came back, but only because he had no other choice; Nick’s place was never his first choice even if it logically should have been. Or what about all those flings he’s had—did no one want more than a night or two? Did he ever secretly hope someone might stay for once despite all his issues? Have all these negative experiences reinforced the idea that he’s not worth more?
I like to believe he has a lot of love to give—wants to give it to someone special—but no one wants it from him. He’s more than a handful and I don’t think the average person can or wants to deal with that.
But Kelly’s not the average person. He’s the one person who understands Nick and what he’s going through, who’s strong enough to defend himself when Nick has a flashback. The one person who wanted to be with him and fought for a relationship; who will always defend him, now maybe more so than ever. The one person who will always remind Nick that he’s a good man with a hell of a lot to be proud of. The one person who’s giving as much love as he’s receiving—if not more.
But nearly 40 years is a hell of a long time to have waited for that…
An unexpected blend for the most unexpected of friendships. Rich black teas tempered with the dry zing of grapefruit flavor combine for a smoother cup than one might imagine. Iced or hot, it’s perfect for sipping while geeking out together over the latest episode of the Walking Dead or making escape plans. Suck it, Ty, we’re surviving the zombie apocalypse!
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